Monday, January 27, 2014

You'll Figure It Out Later

The dog needs to go out. Dishes need to be washed. Dinner needs to be cooked. More dishes need to be washed. The dog pooped on the carpet. The cat scratched your leg. You need to take the garbage out.

Your face has stubble. Clothes are dirty. Clean clothes are wrinkly. The rest of your clothes don't fit the rules in the handbook. 

You're not tired but it's time for bed. Don't forget to set your alarm. 

Beep.. Beep... Beep... You're up early and swearing in the shower. Are you even human?

Where the hell is your other shoe? 

Anxiety. You're going to be late. 

Eight o'clock and your cubicle is empty. 

There was an accident. You're sweating. Are you going to get fired? 

Deep breath. You work hard.

Type type type...

The boss wants to see you. Shit, did you shave? You can't remember. 

It's all okay. 

What happened with that thing from a couple of weeks ago? 

Great job, next time send us all an email with the resolution. 

Type type type...

Purple is better than clowns. That's what the guy, the expert, said on Twitter. 


Time for lunch! One hour in the yard, and then it's back to your cubicle. 

Type type type...

Ping! It's time for a meeting. 

You have a great idea! 

Your idea isn't great, someone on the internet might get offended. 

Do this. Green is edgy. Black and white is safer. 

Why did no one read that? We need more eyeballs. Sell more things! 

Nobody cares. Hey, no one got mad! 

Type type type... 

Have a good night see you tomorrow! 

See ya! 

You'll be out of here soon. You came in a little late. 

In your car. Traffic. 

It's okay, time to think. 

Another great idea! You'll start on it when you get home. 

Throw it in park. Your brain is mush. 

Crap! They stole your thoughts. 

Up the stairs. The dog needs to go out...

It's all okay. 

Your favorite show is on and she's is in your arms laying on your shoulder. She's awesome! 

You still have a dream. You'll figure it out later.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I Hate to Love Sports

Sometimes I wear a shirt with a number and someone else's name on it. That's not the worst part. Sometimes I sit on my couch, get angry, and yell swear words at the person who's name is on the back of my shirt. That's the worst part.

I love the Bulls, Bears, Blackhawks, and White Sox. I love them because I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and my dad loves them. Basically, the same reasons I love my sister. That was a joke, she disappoints me a lot less.

This is where the problem starts. I love them irrationally and unconditionally, which means my emotions hit the extremes. The level of my happiness has a direct relation with the day-to-day game-playing ability of strangers who make millions of dollars and wear my favorite shirt. Damn, it sounds even more ridiculous when I type it.

When I think about it, loving dudes who wear my favorite shirt and who are among the best at what they do with balls of various sizes and shapes isn't the problem. These are the real problems:

1. Irrational hatred. I throw things, say hurtful things to friends, argue and pout like a child. Lebron James, Chicago Cubs, Green Bay Packers, teams from Detroit among others have caused these same reactions from me. How dare these millionaires with families wear a shirt that's not my favorite? More importantly, how dare my friends like those shirts and wear them in my presence? Idiots.

2. The suckiest bunch of sucks that have ever sucked. Sometimes you really want to wear you favorite shirt, but it's dirty and needs to washed. That sucks. It sucks more when it takes years to clean the shirt and for some crazy reason, you spend money to watch the entire spin cycle. Will the White Sox be better next year? Will I still care? Probably.

Who knows?

3. Why should I do things when I can watch others do things? I'd love to go meet new people, sky dive, go to that concert. How can I do those things when other humans are on TV playing a game wearing a shirt that says Chicago against some weirdos wearing shirts that say Boston? My life can wait.

4. $8 beers, $5 hot dogs, $70 nose bleed seats, $20 parking, traffic. Worth it!

October 26, 2005: one of the greatest nights of my life. The White Sox won the World Series! My dad, my friends, the strangers in the white and black hats and shirts - all one. We smiled, drank beer, cheered, gave high fives, and hugged. All because we love the same talented millionaires.

Sometimes things don't make sense. I don't think I hate to love sports.

                                          Kiss the ring!

Monday, January 21, 2013

17 Reasons Why I Need a Beer

Some days make you really want beer. Today is one of those days. It's the same as any other day, except my brain decided to have Jedi-like focus on the crap that drives me crazy. Bottom line is I haven't blogged in over a year despite countless unfinished drafts, and I figured a good place to start is by blogging a list of the usual things that piss me off and make me crave a Beer Recess with a cold IPA. 

Anyway, here are some of the everyday things that grind my gears.(I never said I was rational; This is just the way my brain works.):
  1. That my dog scratches her nails on a chalkboard (that's what her high-pitched whine sounds like) from 12AM - 6AM, and then when my alarm goes off at 6:30AM she climbs onto my pillow and falls asleep before I can turn the water on in the shower.
  2. That no matter how prepared I get the night before for the morning or how early I wake up, I will always be 10 minutes late for work. Where does my sock go? Why can't I remember my computer bag before I get down 2 flights of stairs? Why does my computer bag get caught on the door knob on the way out? Don't even get me started on my car keys.
  3. That people hit their brakes when merging onto the highway. It's a speed UP lane! The point is to merge into the flow of traffic, not to go 15 under the speed limit so you can carefully place yourself in between two cars, leaving the five cars behind you 300 ft. to get over before the lane ends.
  4. That cops would rather go on a witch hunt to catch speeders who are on their way to work than try to prevent speeding in the first place. Hey, cops, when you strategically place your car out-of-sight of motorists you are baiting them to speed. If you put yourself in view, you'd encourage drivers to drive safely in the first place. 
  5. People that leave their shopping carts in empty parking spaces! Anyone ever had the wind blow a shopping cart into their parked car? Let me tell you: It SUCKS! 
  6. When people walk extremely slow on the side walk or in a grocery store and can't stay in a straight line. I'm a naturally fast walker and I don't care if you walk slow, but stop aimlessly angling to the left so that I can pass you. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS!
  7. Any time the reason for something is "because." A free-thinking adult should know the reason for why they are doing something. Otherwise, we might as well be robots.
  8. Regular definition television. It's like needing and owning glasses but choosing not to wear them. On that same note, when is HD TV just going to be TV? Stop up-charging me for things that are the norm.
  9. Justin Bieber. I imagine he's just like this kid who wants a flat screen in his tree house.
  10. Why can I not find Choco Tacos anywhere?
  11. Talking on the phone.
  12. People who constantly talk about how great they are. If you're truly great, you don't need to say it. Other people will say it for you.
  13. Headaches. UGH. Where's that beer?
  14. Offended people. "How dare you say 'Merry Christmas?'" 
  15. Bud Light. Why even bother?
  16. When people don't pull up to the front-most gas pump.
  17. Trendy allergies. Why weren't you allergic to gluten last year?
That's enough for now. Time to shotgun, anyone?
What makes you want to have a beer?

Saturday, December 31, 2011

10 Alternatives to Driving Drunk

It's been awhile since my last blog, but after seeing twitter up in a roar over the #RIDE (Reduce Impaired Driving Everywhere) campaign I had to throw a quick blog together while I get ready for this NYE wedding I have to be at in a half hour. I haven't even showered yet so in my haste please excuse any shoddy writing and grammar (I'll edit later). RIDE was set up by the Toronto Police aiming to educate against drunk driving, and offer alternatives on getting home safely.  A few morons thought it would be a good idea to hijack the hashtag and tip off drunk drivers to the location of the DUI checkpoints.

In honor of the #RIDE campaign I have come up with 10 alternative (but not always practical) ways home so you don't have to drive drunk.

Drunk Driving Alternative 1:

Inspired by the Captain Morgan Commercial, order a pizza delivery and get a ride from the pizza guy. Hell, he knocks on strangers doors all night why not give strangers a ride in his car? He's probably lonely and would appreciate the company. As long as you aren't a complete boob, pleasantly buzzed people can be pretty entertaining and it will make for a great story. Just don't forget to tip BIG!

Drunk Driving Alternative 2:

Take the elevator home! Party close to where you live or where you are staying. There are plenty of hotels like the Hyatt Regency Riverfront downtown Jacksonville that offer special rates on Friday and Saturday nights for people that get a bit to tipsy. You can also check or any of the other travel discount sites for an affordable rate (they usually have last minute booking specials), no matter what you are paying I promise it's A LOT cheaper than a DUI and it won't flush your or anyone else's life down the crapper.

Drunk Driving Alternative 3:

One of my personal favorites, walk home! Some of my best memories come from tipsy walks home. It leads to great and usually hysterical  conversation, it's a great time to get to know that special someone you met at the bar. Scratch that, it gives you way too much time to say something stupid, if you are looking to wake up with an awkward moral hangover TAKE A CAB! If you walk home use common sense and don't be a raging jackass. (Bonus: You will wake up less fat.)

Drunk Driving Alternative 4:

Bar camping. As my buddy once said while sleeping in a booth at a bar. "It's cool, I live right down the street I'll walk home in the morning." If you can get away with that one, you have skills.

Drunk Driving Alternative 5:

Call AAA, on holidays such as New Year's Eve they offer free "Tipsy Tow Service" they will tow your car and give you and potential passengers a lift home. This way you don't have to wake up hungover, and panicky that your car got towed.  Find out more here.

Drunk Driving Alternative 6:

Go out with Tim Tebow, no explanation needed.

Drunk Driving Alternative 7:

Rent a limo or party bus to drive you and your friends around all night.

Drunk Driving Alternative 8:

Party at a casino, they never close so you never have to stop or drive anywhere. (Bonus: It is guaranteed that you will win money, I promise.) Put $10 on black 28.

Drunk Driving Alternative 9:

Invent a teleport. If you are hammered you might end up in the wrong place a few times, but you will eventually make it home and who knows maybe you will end up somewhere awesome, like a bar!

Drunk Driving Alternative 10:

Crap I am out of time and stupid ideas. If there are no other options: Don't drink. It might suck rotten eggs but you might look like the responsible gentleman that your friend's girlfriend's hot friend wants to take home to mom.

Long story short don't be a selfish boob. There is no excuse for driving drunk.

If you have other ideas leave them in the comments below.

Happy New Year and have fun partying!


Jimmy Vinicky

Beer Recess

Monday, November 28, 2011

What are you drinking?

If you know me at all, you know that I am addicted to social media and my iPhone (some say I have a problem). You also know that I love beer. You put all three of those things together and I present to you Untappd and Pintley: two native apps on the iPhone and Droid platforms that allow you to socially share what beer you are drinking, where you are drinking it and what you think of it.

I hadn't heard of Untappd until summer of this year, probably because it didn't have a native app and was simply web-based ... and I find web-based apps super frustrating. I like the app because it's stripped down to the basics. Simply create your profile, search for some friends, click the "drink up" tab and check-in to the brew you're drinking. You can also check-in to where you are drinking it and leave a comment so you can remember what you thought of it. Untappd can also be linked to Foursquare, Twitter, and Facebook to make it hyper-social. You can even earn badges; my latest is the "Playing the Field" badge for drinking 10 different beers in a row. It's not as bad as it sounds, I just really only check-in when I'm drinking a beer I haven't had before. Go in to "The Pub" where you can search and see what others are drinking, and, if you dig it, 'toast' their check-in.

Pintley was the first social beer app that I signed up for. I look at Pintley as more of a 'sophisticated' beer app (in a good way). When you first log in it will give you a beer quiz, where you will go through all the beers and rate the ones you have tried. They will then give you a list of recommendations based on your taste preferences. Pintley allows more room to leave your taste notes and it is more convenient to read what others had to say about the same beer. You can also earn points by drinking certain beers or sharing your information on Twitter, Foursquare or Facebook. These points actually count for something, too! Every month, Pintely gives away thousands of dollars in prizes to random point-earners and top point-earners. You can even win craft beer for a year (I'd be in Heaven)!

So, now that you know what to do .... Let's drink together:

Untappd: beer_recess
Pintley: JimmyV

If you like beer and don't want to be a social mutant download these apps. Remember only alcoholics drink alone.

Monday, September 26, 2011

It's Beer Season!

It's the most wonderful time of year again: Beer Season! You may know this season by its other name, Fall, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it. Now, I know what you might be thinking. "Isn't every season beer season?" Well - technically you would be correct, but this is the one season when around the world the glorious combination of water, yeast, malt and hops, commonly referred to as beer, is celebrated and given the proper respect it deserves. If you want a Beer Recess ... this is the time to do it. Don't believe me? Just check out this Beer Festival Calendar.

In America you have the creme de la creme of all beer festivals, The Great American Beer Fest (GABF), taking place September 29 - October 1 in Denver. This is the 30th annual GABF and will feature 2,375 American Beers (yeah, I too would say that qualifies for the use of "Great" in the name.) If this isn't something you would be interested in, well then, I have no idea why you are reading this blog.  The GABF is definitely a priority item on my bucket list, as it should be for every beer fan. You can learn more about the festival here, or follow along on twitter.

Beer Break....

...MMM Sam Adams Octoberfest.

Even higher on my personal bucket list is OKTOBERFEST! The 201st birthday of the festival of all festivals takes place in Munich, Germany September 17 - October 3. Cheers one liter Bavarian beer mugs, referred to as a "Mass", in one of 14 enormous tents full of happily toasted Germans and tourists, then ride a ferris wheel - only at Oktoberfest. A good friend of mine attended this year and returned with this quote: "I will never drink beer without the GIANT mug ever again!"A liter of beer (only beer brewed within Munich, can be served) will run you about 9 Euros and a bottle of water will cost you 7 Euros. Now if that doesn't inspire you to order the Mass of beer, I don't know what will. Things I haven't mentioned are women wearing Dirndls, loads of delicious German food and Oompah music.

Yeah, I dare you to not purchase your plane ticket for next year within the next 10 minutes.

Now if you can't make it to those two Main Events, please refer the the calendar above and be sure to visit a local beer festival and celebrate this joyous season. I personally will be attending two Octoberfests conveniently happening right next to one another, in Jacksonville Beach at European Street Cafe and Engine 15 Brewing Company this Saturday, October 1. If you can make it out, send me a tweet and lets chug a Das Boot!



Thursday, July 28, 2011

What happened to Recess?

Growing up I never really enjoyed school. I never liked sitting in a desk listening to  some "old" lady babble about whatever it is she was babbling about,  I definitely understood why the teacher in Charlie Brown sounded the way she did. I am a simple man to please, and the whole time I was in that desk ... all I wanted to do was enjoy a game of Vortex football, play a game of knockout and chase girls. I got to do all those things at RECESS! That is, until it got taken away in 6th grade at the old age of eleven.

I am now 26 years old, trapped in a cubical farm, dreaming of reenacting the scene in Office Space where they beat the crap out of the printer with a baseball bat. The problem is that this is the real world and I don't need jail time for beating up someone else's printer. I have a better solution: I am going to take my recess back! Only now I have another element to add to recess, BEER!

Hence, Beer Recess.

Beer Recess is here to bring the joy of the Vortex football back to the people that have forgotten that they can leave the fluorescent lights, bad coffee and phony personalities behind for a little while. 

I can't tell you exactly what Beer Recess is just yet, but I promise you that if you love good beer and a smile on your face, you will not be disappointed.